My boyfriend and I have broken up and I feel like I’m gonna die, well I did, it’s been a process of death, hopelessness, crying, silence, to walking around in very bad underwear in a complete an utter daze.
He was the love of my life.
But right now I have to go on and re-find myself, without him…Current situation is Not great. I find myself What did the form that I was filling out today say? Oh yes, homeless, well I’m couch surfing really, but there wasn’t a box for that.
‘So Sabrina I’m gonna be honest with you, we could go through all of this the man says gesturing to my papers but it’s highly unlikely that you get a penny for 3 months’
Location: Job Centre.
‘What are you telling me Frank?’- his name isn’t Frank. ‘I’ve been working in this country since I was 16, and have contributed every time, yes hands up I’m in a bit of a bind, I need help, what are you saying exactly???’
‘I’m saying that if you are not seen as an at risk person then-‘
‘Right well, I’ll just cut off my big toe now then’ Blood squirts all over Franks crumpled I’m gonna kill myself in a minute if I don’t get a shit break soon, shirt.
Erm what else has happened…taps fingers, Oh yes there was that other thing, but I can’t seem to remember- Not to worry, it’ll probably come to me as I FALL DOWN THE ESCALATORS.
So how do we get ourselves out of these lowly low sticky situations.
Getting to know your situation
Ok, so your situation may not be as harsh as mine but funnily enough I still think of the glass as half full, and in the scheme of things it really isn’t that bad *Sobs into coffee mug*. But seriously, people have had to deal with much much worse-which shouldn’t ever undermine anyone’s circumstance, because there’s always a light under the tunnel or wee crack somewhere.
Getting to know your strength
I don’t know who wrote this shizz whizz quote but I don’t feel v. strong right now.
Different things happen along this path called life which have a knack of whacking us over the head with a rusty old pole, for me, I’m probably at my lowest but strangely enough I’m the most relaxed I’ve been in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, when it all sort of happened I didn’t think I could get up in the morning-But I did, I didn’t think I could brush my teeth- But I did, I didn’t even think I could walk more than two feet down the road for fear of breaking in two and becoming an obstacle on the pavement.
But I did.
Getting to know yourself
Ultimately this is it, keeping an ear to the beat of your own heart, the thing that makes your tick, and weep and grow and love.
Listening to your own voice in the midst of all this noise is not easy, but it should not be ignored, it should be listened to and given a chance to breathe.
Getting to know your love
One thing that came out of this muddy blue storm was my love for reading and writing, it’s really all that occupies my thoughts from the time I slip under the duvet to the time I wake up in the morning, there are always crazy, senseless ideas jumping about on my wallpaper.
But surely I’ve known that all along? Yes, this is very true….
The difference is this time I listened.
[I’m sorry for the sporadic posts, want to keep them regular from now on- life just keeps on getting in the way. Those of you who have stuck around, please do a little longer and tell your friends x]